The Heart of a Competitor

By February 28, 2016goals, life, motivation

fsu starI love my sport. Every day that I am in the gym, on the course, or traveling to my next event is a good day. I live for the moments on the course when I visualize the perfect shot and then execute it perfectly in the heat of the battle. I have trained my whole life to be where I am right now. I have relished competition in every facet of my life for as long as I can remember and golf has never been an exception. I am competitive and stubborn to a fault. If I do not win, I’ll stay and work until I know how to succeed next time.

Possessing this drive and determination does not mean that it is singularly focused on golf. Academic achievements have to be pursued. Every scrap of energy and emotion must be poured into relationships. Nothing in life seems to be safe from my insatiable quest to give it my all. Unless you ask my mother, and she will cheekily inform you that it does not pertain to the organization level in my bedroom.

As a woman, a lot is asked of you. Women and girls have to wear many hats; their lives are in a constant state of dichotomy. Nurture a child and kill in the boardroom. Prioritize your family and chase your dreams. Be kind and thoughtful but be ruthless when seeking victory on the course.

To be a female athlete, you have to be all of it. To be a female professional athlete, you have to be all of it and more.

Somehow you have to be brave enough to believe in yourself. Little girls cannot lose that self-assurance that all toddlers have. They have to be strong enough to think that they can have their cake and eat it too. If they don’t have the gumption to try, they will never figure out that everyone else is wrong.

Life is full of a cascade of choices. Mine have led me to this moment. I am caught somewhere between 20 and 30, trying to balance all of my decisions and observing all of you reconciling yours.

Being more is hard. I’d be lying if I said otherwise.

Every day I challenge myself to be more than what I was the day before: lift more weight, run one more step, make one more putt, hit one more fairway. I challenge myself to be a better daughter, sister, fiancé, friend and competitor. Sometimes I fail, and that’s okay.

Social norms and constructs and other people’s choices have made me feel like I’ve gotten lost at times. I’ve even caught myself feeling guilty for daring to dream big enough to chase my dreams. I hope that you never will feel that. I’m on my own journey and I have my own timeline. I am selfish enough and brave enough to do everything I can to give myself my own kind of fairytale ending. My brain and my heart won’t let me be anything less than everything I’m capable of.

Alex Milan

Author Alex Milan

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